A Shining Retreat-Estes Park, CO: 7 Tips to Keep your Vacation from Becoming Horrific

I tow our luggage to the counter, just in time to catch my fiancée tentatively listening to a balding rent-a-car clerk.

“If you’re heading into the mountains,” the clerk eyes us in turn, “I would go with something a little more heavy duty.”

A credit-card swipe later and I’m barreling down the freeway in a Ford Expedition, which feels something like driving a battle-ready tank. My fiancée slumps in the passenger seat, calling out directions from her phone. The Rockies stab at the sky on the horizon, just below milky clouds, basking in the moonlight.

Estes Park, here we come.

An orange road sign looms in the distance, blurry and distorted. I stop my tank in front of a gate swung across the road.

Route 36 Closed. Use Detour.

Our shoddy phone service finally calculates. An additional hour and a half has just been tacked on to our little road trip.

The dash clock, a lonely beacon of light, reads 11:16. Luckily, my ever-prepared fiancée had phoned ahead to let our host know we’d be arriving late.

We weave up the mountain on our alternate route, cornering cliffs and gawking over guard rails with hundred-foot drops just beyond. My palms sweat. I don’t fancy the lingering thoughts of tumbling down the mountain to my death.

Every shadowy tree around every bend looks the perfect spot to hide a hockey-masked murderer revving a chainsaw. Which is ironic, I suppose, as Stephen King, the master of creepy himself, once lodged in a hotel here. A place that would later become his inspiration for the Overlook Hotel in his hellish novel The Shining.

I reassure my imagination that more than likely, surely, this trip wouldn’t end up like a horror novel.

I awoke the next morning, sun in my window, clouds parting all around me, the smell of my rustic room ruminating wood smells. The spookiness from the night before melted away with the morning light.

The next week flew by, dotted with memorable experiences. I enjoyed every minute of my time.

Here are 7 tips to help you do the same.

1. Notch Top Bakery and Café Eat here, at least once. My eggs were lovely, my experience even more so. Sip some coffee and breathe the mountain air (there is a patio). The menu is chalk full of artistic imaginings of breakfast items and more. Better yet, the hometown feel and friendly service will make you feel like one of the locals.
2. Take a Hike The Rocky Mountain National Park is literally at your doorstep. Don’t miss out on this commune with nature. With hundreds of miles of trails and roads, flora and fauna, there is something for everyone. Bring your hiking shoes if you plan on getting adventurous. The view from the top-peak is breathtaking. Snap some pictures for your social-media profile and show your friends what an adventurous soul you really are.
3. Go Fishing There are a number of guide services you can hire to spend some time in nature. One of such is a fly-fishing tour. Take off on a trip, waders included, and experience some time waist-deep in a crystal-clear stream. No previous fishing experience required. Get a little wet. Don’t forget your sunscreen.
4. Try an Elk-Burger Yes, you read that right. They make burgers out of Elk. Some of which are a beef mixture, if you want a little less gaminess. Either way though, Elk is a wild flavor that goes well with fries and a cold one. So, broaden your palate, get your fingers a little greasy, and dive into some mountain comfort food.
5. Take a Drive If you find yourself up in the Rockies without access to a vehicle of some sort, you may have a bad time. Make sure you have some transportation, and then, take a drive. You know, a good ole leisurely motorized stroll. Take the backroads, sit- back and admire the scenery. Get lost in nature, but not too lost. This is best enjoyed at sunset or sunrise to get those slanting rays of beautiful mountain light.
6. Visit the Infamous Hotel If you’re a literary buff like myself, you may want to check out the Stanley Hotel. This was where Stephen King breathed life into his novel The Shining. With its great views of the Rockies and its colonial architecture and spacious rooms, this hotel has much to explore. It is also notorious for some “paranormal happenings.” If hauntings are your thing, check it out.
7. Make Your Vacation Your Own Don’t let the mountains intimidate you. Try new things and get out there. Estes Park has something for everyone. This quaint town is a throng of activity with a small town feel. The very first night I could have turned around and never looked back, but I’m glad I didn’t. I think you will be too.

Airport Experience: Flying to Puerto Rico

I checked my plane ticket. It showed the same flight time as when I last looked––an eternal two minutes ago.

I drudged through the carpeted halls of Nashville International Airport. A pointy-shoed man halted in front of me. He gawked at a store the size of a closet as I swerved around him. His pendulous arm lurched mere inches from my crotch. Murderous thoughts crossed my mind.

Past the swinging arm of doom, I plunged into a ropey security maze. Gassy flyers surrounded me, their roller luggage in tow. Lumpy TSA agent #2 ushered us through line. I disrobed of shoes and belt, spreading my legs for the full body scan.

How much of my innards can the gum-chewing technician see? I wondered, sliding through a scanner plastered with warning stickers.

“Nice reproductive system, Mr. Trotter!” I imagined the tech saying.

“Why thank you, Security Lady. And no, I do not have grenades in my colon, but thanks for checking.” I fictitiously replied.

Pumped full of radiation, I scavenged my personals from plastic bins and made my way to airline purgatory. Two escalators and a tram later, I arrived at my gate.

“There will be no empty seats on this flight.” A voice announced.

I sighed evaporated hopes.

On the plane, I plopped down into my lung-squeezing chair. My fiancée took her seat two rows behind me, despite having booked this flight three months prior.

Thanks a bunch, Delta.

The oily smell of McDonald’s fries fumigated the cabin, the source of which I couldn’t identify. Ambiguous feelings of nausea and hunger fought for dominance in my bubbled stomach.

“Takeoff is delayed,” the pilot announced through the speakers, followed by a Please hold tight, folks.

Stale airplane minutes crawled by. I rubbed elbows with a broad-shouldered linebacker of a lady, waiting for signs of movement. She booped and beeped about on her IPad as if the fate of the world rested upon her to execute a perfect Candy Crush combo.

To the right, a meaty-thighed man had eclipsed my view of the aisle, the seams of his jeans on the verge of bursting.

Both of my armrests had been snatched away by my bulbous co-flyers.

I twitched, body threatening claustrophobic spasms.

Sweat rolled down my ribcage––a single bead of tickling perspiration.

Hipbone to hipbone with complete strangers, I tried in vain to locate my seatbelt. I feared where it could have been lodged.

Where did I wrong?

I held my breath and told myself it would all be worth it.

I wasn’t sure I was right.

Here we come, Puerto Rico.